YA Fantasy First Page Critique

Happy Friday!! I’m here with a new first page critique. If you’d like a chance for me to look at your first page, you can fill up this FORM.

Today’s first page comes from a YA Fantasy that’s ready to query. If the rest of the manuscript is as tight and voicey as this opening page, I agree with the author! Go get yourself an agent!

Let’s take a look.

YA 1.png

This opening is strong. The changes I’m making are mostly cosmetic, shifting a sentence here, deleting a small redundancy there. My biggest concern is that I’m not sure why Mal is pricking her finger, but then wiping away the blood and putting on gloves. I don’t see the point? But the writing is strong, and I feel like I’m in good hands, so I’ll keep reading to find out.


YA 2.png

I literally just finished reading Crooked Kingdom by Leigh Bardugo, and this first page has the same vibe. The voice and setting feel similar, and given how much I enjoyed Crooked Kingdom, that’s working in the author’s favor. I would definitely keep reading this book.

The biggest changes I’m recommending are tiny in the grand scheme. If you’re down to word choice and deleting repetition, you’re in a good place. This is a solid first page and I’m pretty sad this is all I get to read!

Best of luck to the author. I hope they’ve found my (regrettably small) feedback helpful!

Until next week!

KC